Is kinda a sad emo moment~

Yup, I know of cause is festival season,
everyone is going back home, spending QUALITY time together with the love one.....

but for me, I just feel we.... student in this College.... I didn't means all, just some....
well, feel bit sad, cause seeing everyone is going out, going back, spending nice time... and we just stare in front of our lappie, facebooking???? man! that sound super duper misery??

Of cause, we will find our way to cheer up ourselves, already get used to it.....
but u know, sometimes, someplace... some moment.... do make me feel really sad.... or... just emo for a short moment~ * cause I am a woman ma... I do get emo sometime.... or u can said most of the time? *

Hello, I am a super outgoing gal... because of some situation, I have to be in my room all the time? man... is torturing, asking me facing the wall and my lappie all the time?
NO WAY!!!

but wat to do? Is a student life.... I have to study and study and study and writing and writing~
repeat and repeart for dunno..... thousand million or maybe a billion times???
GOSH!!!!!

I like pretty thing, I enjoying seeing pretty stuff... beautiful environment... I love be in it! enjoy it.... seeing different kind of people in street is an enjoyment thing to do for me.... I LOVE IT!
seeing them, watching all colorful stuff.... seriously, I can just spend all time watching it and enjoy the view...
too bad.. till now I haven got my camera..I sure will get it soon! and I want to share to everyone my point of view of this beautiful world!!! that my bigger wish~ :)

is.. not too big right???? is a dreams to reach! I know I can do it! soon!!!

alright....
back to reality,
in fact, in all of this... for everyone so call " boredment" I still will find a lil space making fun, enjoying myself.... like a crazy woman! hahahahha.....that what my fren said... and they will said I act as though I am drunk?? am I??? nah...... just squeezing some lil space to enjoy myself out of all the serious situation... of cause, I still done my job well... Hello dealing with others people life k? Dun play play!

okay okay ... complaining till here.....

wish there will be something lil different on this coming year end festival~ please.....

oh ya, there is someone special big day! is my best gal fren birthday! Yean.... tada~

going to have a lil surprise for her later.... haha~ can't wait to see her face!

have to go prepare now.... chao~

that all.
xoxo

I am not who u think I am...

I am not who u think I am, 

I am not that strong as u look at me,

I am not that confident as u look at me,

I am not that beautiful as u look at me.

I am not that happy as u look at me.

Sometimes, just sometimes...

I just feel so weak,

so weak that I just want to hide myself in my own world.

so that no one can harm me anymore.

I just feel tired,

to walk all of these alone.

But, I have to.

Learn to face all these alone,

shed tear when nobody none.

to be INDEPENDENT!

cause of all these sarcastic world, 

all these realistic people,

cause that, 

Sometimes, there is this evil tough coming out in my mind to disturb me!

make myself feel that I am so evil~

(two horn growing up my head)

Just to defend myself to get knock down;

and to keep me going.

Is just like wearing a mask to survive,

so fake,

so not real.

When is all these going to end?

to just let me have a space to breath?

I am just tired.

Change it!!!

phew... the stupid attitude I had now are realy making me soo super tired.....

What is it? u may ask...

Just my wild imagination n I can't control my own thought! gosh! just thinking.... I have million of beautiful Idea to draw out, I have lot nice angle piz to take, I have lot music to play, I have procedure to do, I have theoty to study, I worried to be alone for the rest of my life.. and lot and lot more.... It just can't stop spining in my mind! sooooooo noisy soooooo irritating! that why my fren U all seeing me in alot different attitude sometime......

I am sorry... cause I am Gemini!

Gotta control it now........ to make it through....

Change it change it!!!!!

 Gonna be the brand new me!!!! Let kick start!!!! wow!!!

alright, wish me lots of luck tomorrow....
Love,

Do I still choose to believe?

The first time I am believing...the first person.... he leaved.
Leaved 5 of us behind..... and all of us trying to stand up with the pain he had left for us.
He took away my dream, my happiness, my family......

and it took me quite some time to stand up and to gather back all my broken glass.....

Now.... as time pass......
there was relationship that I believe that it will work, but till the end the is nothing.... vanish~
No matter how hard I tried, things just won't work out....what i gain? tears and thousand of broken pieces from my heart!

Some day, a person just asked me,
:" Samantha,  after all of these things happen in ur family, do u still believe in LOVE? do u still believe in MARRIAGE??"

my answered?? " NO, I do not believe! "
I am tired of believing. Ya, it might make me look like a kite flying in a windy evening/ storm.....without string that control it.... for now, it might still flying high up at sky, but everyone knows,  after sometimes.... if nobody appear and grab the string tight enough... the kite will fall into ground and brake into pieces.

if there anyone will appear and prove all of these wrong? and just grab the string on time before the kite fall??
is all about timing, right??

tired

Tired! i always feel tired!
it has been soooo many things happen around!
maybe I m just too weak to face it!
I always just cry.... ( just like a baby, right? )
I am just too weak.......
anyway to be stronger???

sorry frens, I know I been very emo lately... can't even have time to blog... so many thing.. so lil time..
or just maybe my poor time management~ *sign* I will improve.... k?

k, gtg... sleep time... I will blog more after this weekend.. Don't worry :)

Love,

Emo

Emo much!!!!

sorry peepals~ I am just like a baby!
hmmm..... sometime just come ahead with lost control with my emotional... or it just change so sudden...
I hate to be emo too... make me feel sad, appear all those stupid sad thing in my mind... so messy... HATE IT!!
make my tear rolling in my eyes... so stress... hate everything around me....

I just hope to get a lil cuddle frm frens.... just a lil sayang perhaps? ( like a baby right? )
well.... as u know me..... I will turn into this very easily.. depends on seasons.....n something it will cause a big quarrel and I just lost my fren like that... that me....maybe somebody understanding???
( hmmmm... I was thinking, who knows me more around me.... anyone? I think, no one, nt even my family, or my best fren? hmmm... I think... the longest frenship with her... really appreciate her, always stay beside me.. although, we do quarrel~ but she din leave me... right? bestie?   )

Sad sad sad..... I hate tears! I hate crying! feel so weak when there is no shoulder for me to lay on, I hate this feeling!
was thinking how long I force myself nt to cry out.....( my tears used to come out very easily, I did cry alot along this year! trust me.. is alotx! than u all can ever imagine.....but dunno when.... this scene stop.... )  I want to be stronger and stronger! in every aspect!!!!! so I stop myself to be that weak, stop my tear coming out.

Don't ask me to prayer..... I don't believe in this.....
so... anything can help me? I hate this really really much!

I hate emo! but I cant control it! How???