I don't know what is in my mind again~

yup... insomnia...
or maybe due to the cafe latte i drank just now??

too much things in mind....
too much till feel like I cant really digest it......

boyfie said try don't think about it...

but...

when I know we goona walk to the future there is things that we have to face....

well.... do you all know is A LOTS??????!!!!

is so freaking lots!!!

and the more I think... the more I scared he will leave~

totally live in a terrify world now....

always have this negative thinking...

is not I am negative...

Is just I am thinking realistic.....

too realistic... till.... I know what will going to happen...

cause me and boyfie is totally from different world.....and coincidently we meet... and the love just spark...

I cant do anything... but just be brave... or maybe " act BRAVE"

walk it through! pray hard......

I do hope this relationship will have a happy ending~

I change.... so much...

I cant belive I change so much because of a Korean guy....

I used to just listen English song... n dun accept kpop song at all.. Now... all my i-tune is full with korean song.. I am opening Kpop Billboard to search for Korean song.

I used to don't understand why my fren is learning Korean n trying to understand all the alien word... Now.. I am trying to speak n write with it.

I used to don't watch any korean drama.. Now.. I watch Korean drama like all my Kpop fans friend....

I used to do all the thing by myself... decide by myself.... like a wild horse... running around like nobody business... Now... is all because of him..... I change....

Sometimes... is so confusing... that...... is not the previous me anymore......

Now... He is saying....

I am loving him... way too much..........

so, what next? what should I do now?

another turning point~

Is almost been 1 month, both of us been busy with our working life.... when we meet each other on cam.... you always look so tired... sometimes... I really just gave up n just want u to get more rest even I really dun want to....

I, really miss him so much......
I means time that we spend together.....

U turn to be so busy...... so so busy........ but u still try to spend time with me.....
I really appreciate it so much!

but seeing u... falling sick... and I am here.. cant do anything...It just make me feel so worst!
make me feel like I am the worst gf ever!

everyday...everynight... I really miss u so so much!
tears just flow out by itself sometime.....
I can't control......

everyday... I told myself to be strong and stronger....

but when u fall asleep... when I know I am alone.....
the stupid nonsense feeling come n attack me again!

make me feel so weak...
make me feel like just wanna hide in ur warm hug so badly! so so badly!

I try to distract myself.......but it bounce back some how....
well.... I admit I am a weak girl... not as strong as my physical look like.... I am super weak... super super ...weak........

I put in so much afford to stand up to be strong.......with the shaking unstable leg......
fall n rise.... fall n stand up again......

is another turning point... I know... we can make it right??

be strong!!!

is not that EASY

there is a quote once said, a long term relationship is for people who really want to be together...

is not that easy that u can hold ur beloved hand till end of life nowadays...

lots of conflicts will happen here n there.... is so easy for people to divorce nowadays, just sign a paper.... tht all.....

domestic violent also like very common....

guy.. if don't can't able to treat wife properly pls dun make tht commitment and make after marriage make the wife's life miserable.......

guy, pls be more responsible.....trear gals well pls....... we are not ur anger rubbish bin tht u can throw ur tempered in....

hmmm.... after seen so many case, heard so many story....
is really scary.......i means.. I do feel scary...

but I think.....

no matter wht, we still can hold it  still and keep going~

he get a job! in big company! n he said he gonna get real busy soon...... always double shift.....

wat to do?
just wait.... n be patient!

 I do hope there is happy ending ahead infront of us... ^^

well... pray hard for the best~!!

but I know, we all know... is not that easy........

This lovely relationship

I had this weird feeling since........
hmmmm....I have no idea when this weird feeling start......

u know? I have this sweet lovely feeling all the time... and is like getting more and more... toward my boyfie, my oppa.... my mario....is not reducing... at all... gonna drive me so crazy.. so deeply in love.. Yes! I am deeply in love! deeply in love with this guy!

out of no where... hmmm... maybe... one month ago? or more... I have this weird feeling.. keep flashing in my brain, my heart.... that... I HAVE TO PROTECT THIS RELATIONSHIP! NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO KEEP IT GOING!

I am just so deeply in love........ cant hold back any more....

get touch with every single thing he did....

enjoy every single second with him....

although... sometimes he did bully....

or... he bite....

but, he still treat me as his lil princess.....

he still gimme all those funny sweet talk...

create all those weird name for me.......

I am glad that I meet him... really really glad.....really happy......

no matter what... I wont let go my hand any more....

so.... this of mine lovely relationship....... no matter what I will keep it... as long... as it can go... 

this.... stupid guy... make me so in love with him, 

I think.. I must get in some spell that make me so crazy about him now....

see.... a super in love face....

I am really happy with what I have now... and is more than enough.... :)

My mario is back!

he is back form Korea.

can u know how happy am I?
my heart was so JUMPING when I knew that day was the day that he return,
is just like having palpitation all day long, and... is not because of anxious, or scare,
is because of HAPPY! EXCITED!

I am really happy that he return.
really really happy...

but I knew, this wasn't fixed.

He........
still had his dream to reach, his career to achieve,
I can't be that selfish to hold him back....
as like most people said.... in this relationship, one must be sacrifice....

so, I wasn't know how long he will be here,
well... of cause I hope is long enough till my bond with my hospital is finish...
was hoping this miracle will happen,
was actually praying almost everyday to hope this will happen,
many days passed...
it seems like... no miracle is happening....
so..... I know.... the possibility is kinda low...
have to start prepare myself.... to be ready.... that, something will happen.. which I hope and pray it won't.
I do hope it won't!
I am that selfish just hope that he can just stay with me as long as we go...
hold my hand everyday, every night,
or.. we can stay together...

but,

all of that.... it seems a dreams to reach,
a dreams which is so far away.....

I just...
have to be strong enough to face this....
to stay with this...
to be with him...

is my choice,
I won't be regret...

I am happy that I have my Mr mario,

although,

he will not sweet talk...he never will! no matter how hard I tried! he just won't!

although,

he is not sensitive enough to knew what going on;
always so slow reaction, so slow to see things clear,

although,

he is so honest that, he can tell me that I am FAT and he wont try to sweet talk to me even that he knew that after what he said I will be mad and angry or merajuk in front of him for whole day, but he still choose to said the honestest thing!!!!!

although,

he have not good memory to remember what I told him , about my shift , my schedule, my plan....

although ,

even sometimes till I get mad or get angry or cry.... these things on him, still won't change!

but ,

he still have his good point that attract me so deeply....

maybe... is all these point....

I dunno....

people said, love is blind,

but I said, love is blind, it blind my eyes.. but with this, it enhance all my sensory to feel all the wonderful things around....

isn't it?

end the day..... day 15

finally, he is coming back to KL on today, will reach about... 11pm.

is like longest leaved ever... so long........

the quarrel start increasing... even a small lil things... quarrel will appear...

I always hope for more attention when Skype-ing, cause I waited a whole long night...

but normally.. he will play here n there... play with the Mr. Paul ( is his dad's Chiwawa)

I get jealous, how come.. all the things are more important than me...

then I will said all things out, give all bom or nuclear bom and all the arrow and bullet!

but he,

always show the blurr face saying : " when u said things like tht, I will lost, I dun get wat u trying to said "

wow... u know.. we girls, when saw this... the anger will be more.. n sometimes wanna shout n cry out loud : U dun love me anymore~

hahahahaha.. this is my drama.. of cause, I didn't do this infront of him... or.. maybe I had? u know.. sometimes, I will just be like a princess ask everything from him even the moon~
so... pls dun be surprise if I do so....


well.... after he said tht... after see the "lost-ed" face n mind.... " and show tht Yao Ming face... " I dunno what the **** she is talking about ..."

so,

usually, after given all my bullet all out through typing the key board.. keep typing n typing n typing... till my keyboard almost on fire* I know the  is a bit over* , till all the word in my mind is end.. * u know, my English is still Limited, so... after all the things out.. I will stop. cause I dunno how to continue anymore, unless changes the language channel. LOL...


 then, I will stop... cause... this time... hmmmm... the scary face with all the popping out vein will come out.. ya, till this time.. he will usually get angry... then he will "washed" me with all the super duper bleach!

so....then.. I will went into EMO stage... emo emo emo emo... emo .... emo......

then will slowly change topic automatically,

then will have some joke....

then make him smile back.....* is hard, usually after a big quarrel which cause by me.. while, most of the time is me la "

aiyo, u know la, gals is more complicated wat, wat more is a Gemini gal.. huuuuuuuyoooooh, more more complicated...  and guys are simple, straight forward, and gal will round here, then link there, then back to here.. there go high up and go down, and go through a big round....roughly like tht....
that why, everyone said guy know nothing bout gals... that is correct, cause even we gals, also dunno what is in our mind sometimes ~

so, my boyfie the level of tahan is super high de.. all because of me..* train by my super duper imagination; definitely have to change tht, was trying **

well.... ya, today , just now, just end another big quarrel... well.. cause can't shout, so our quarrel method is, through the skype, Camera, just the visual, no audio cause all our parent slept... and keep typing n typing n typing n typing.... and with all the fantastic facial expression! so... our quarrel method.. consider quite.... peaceful , I think, LOL

ya, tht is much of today... was waiting for today, was waiting for him....

good night.

is Day 9....

times flies, is day 9 he at Korea, and is almost 1 month we didn't meet each other face to face...

feel so strange, everything feel so.... unusual, at KL if I want to meet him, I can meet him so easy... but here, although I want to meet him so badly, need to arrange and arrange and wait and waiting....

oh ya, did I mention I already officially step into society to work? I am, fresh graduate nurse, was in induction course now, attending class, workshop, to know everything of my work place, is new, everything is new and scary, still having my culture shock now... and ya,

I am going in operation theater to work. *the other point of stressor.

he went to Seoul, can't meet him online yesterday, he said : is hard.

that all he said, actually, I was expecting bit more word, bit more message...
maybe a message just to said goodnight?

but there isn't any of them coming in although I waited till midnight....

hmmmmm.......

expecting too much again.....

feel so tired..haven start work yet, maybe tht time.... when I start work,
is more hard for me to blog, more hard for me to wait, maybe that time will be much better...much much better...

tired till I can't think much anymore, too tired till I have no energy to type or think beside work, study, work study and so on and cont till.... hmmmm... dunno~

I really hope til hardship will end soon, get bless for our relationship, my biggest wish... is really my biggest wish...

but he said have to wait... everything stable...

I wish...

it will happen soon...

I do hope so....

Day 5 and Day 6

I end my day 5 and day 6 sweet....

no matter what happen in my work place, after work.... when I see him through cam, he just can have the ability to sweep all away, fill my brain with all nice sweet lovely memory with all his clown face... joking around, playing around like a kid,

it just make my day end perfectly ^^

oh ya, got one news to announce, I am sending into Operation Theater to work, hmmm....
was quite shock at the first place,
after think ,
think, 
think, till scratch till my head skin almost pealing off....
I think I will pick up that challenge and work for it, I believe I can . 
No matter what, I will still find my place in that :)

alright, that was my 2 day....

tomorrow will be another brand new day...

gonna sleep now!

night!

Day 4

is weekend,
wake up late , rolling in the bed... felt that missed out something...

*oh ya, before he go to Korea, we used to talk in phone once I wake up*

that the thing I missed.....

oh well... can't do anything, he have to go for his grandpa birthday celebration, must be really busy in Korea there...

and me? spending my whole day with my lil brother, running under the rain, watch movie, chatting.... nagging... sound like a old woman??? hmmmm....

after the day out,
was spending time... waiting for his message...

waiting...

waiting...

waiting...

until one message came " I just came back home "

no matter that time how tired I am, was like suddenly get jap in a energy booster, jumping go tidy my hair, checking my look.. cause my oppa is back home, and gonna meet him online soon!

put up a bright smile greet him! hehehe... looking at him.. doing his stuff.. eating.. smiling like a big child.. worth everything! really!

in the heart just all honey, warm , lovely candy feeling pouring out... all butterflies flying around.. fresh flower growing like all disney cartoon movie, snow white singing, Repunzel dancing and singing..

hmmm.. ya, something like tht..

I dunno whether got people said I am stupid.. but all I know, it is something for me, and it is worth for me to do everything..

that my day 4,

gonna put full-stop at here.

sleep time, nite!

Day 3

is already went into day 3,

I thought he will be busy today, as he said he will go shopping with parent,

but he send me msg n reply my msg! tht surprise me!

and and and!!!

after work, I went to Butterworth for food hunting with my friends, informed him, and he did told me his plan...

I thought after that, I can't meet him online.. till tomorrow maybe or Monday,
was bit disappointed when I reach home , cause I know I might not meet him online...
was bit bit unhappy...
cause I can't listen his voice again~

who know, went I came back to home,
there is a surprise!
He is there,
waiting for me... cause he is worried about me.. I am happy! is sweet! is warm! is late there and he is tired, but he is waiting for me... tht is soooo sweet!

tht is my day 3, end with sweet and lovely !

is time to sleep~ Nite~!

Day 2

is day 2,
what happen today? let see....

this morning, I am happy cause I received his msg in the morning! for me, this is sweet~ hehe

sometimes, it doesn't have to be a long msg, a simple msg will make the whole day bright up :)

but at the end of day, my car broke down due to my carelessness,  after all thing settle, after my car done... when drive back.. how I wish I can call him and tell him and ask him to sayang sayang me.. I just like to be like kid in front of him wat..

suddenly also think that there had been sometimes since I slept on his shoulder, due to some depressing issue happen, things I wish is not tht easy to get, is not easy to be done, well... thing will be more sweeter if is hard to get right? so mine will be so sweet when it come to the end! hehehehe.....

Last pic, awww.... i miss tht moment!

I know he is not free at there, after so long back to home, need to spend times with family wat... can't request for more ma... right? can't be tht selfish right? *although I want to~ 

 Omgarrrddd! is just day 2 y feel like this is soooooooooo long! 17 days!!!

sound like I am being like crazy gal shouting at here! hahhahahahaha.....

shout shout!!!! I miss him!!! miss his voice! miss his warm hug! miss his big wide shoulder! !!!!!

Day 1

is day 1 he leaved to Korea,

this is the only fear that was always hunting me, always, like a big dark scary monster chasing after me in dream!

I know, maybe I am asking for bit too much... maybe I am seeking for a lil bit more attention... maybe I am asking for a lil more focus from him to me...

Is even more harder to contact each other when he is there,
*well.. cause I still haven get a smartphone for myself... 
is hard, is not easy...
waiting him after work.. staring at the empty screen, scrolling down facebook, keep on checking on my lappy, so scare tht I will missed even that 1 minute to meet him..
cause all of tht time, for me, is really precious!!

people might said I am crazy, put myself in a big gambling game, in this relationship;
if I win, then will be happy ending, if lose, I will lose everything, I means, really everything... can't really imagine how bad it will be...not even dare to think about it now..


is tiring, sometimes.. when things doesn't went smooth, doesn't happen as expectation.. the feeling is like a big fat elephant just step up on my heart, can't breath, and pain.. and trying so hard to move tht stupid elephant leg!

seriously, as I told all my frens, I had choose to step in this relationship, if I didn't give my best, I won't give up, I believe that I will get over this really soon, right??

is just day 1, 18 days more to go... just wish, pray hard everything smooth.
* honestly, my heart really follow together with him go to Korea..
still like struggling myself to find way to stand up and be strong, without heart, LOL.

Let count this days, together, at least.... with this way, I wont feel tht.... lonely, perhaps?

有你的陪伴， 就够了。

第八天，他回去的第八天了，
超级不习惯！
之前， 要见他，过一阵子他就会出现在校门口，
可现在，
要等好久啊~

每天，
就只好用skype咯~

其实，有这样子的陪伴，也够了 :)

he look so stressed while i was playing~ hehehehehe >,<

I am BACK

Finally finish all my 3 year course back to Penang,
is already passed 5 days now...
the feeling is still hard to tidy up, happy, sad, nervous,stress, scared....

happy=cause another brand new journey
sad= leaving all my friends who had already study together for 3 years, separated with my boyfie haiz...
stress + nervous = to face my job as a staff nurse

anyway, no matter what it is, still have to face it right?
so...
no matter how hard it is...
still have to learn to dance in the rain, right?

Mr. teddy bear is on the way back to Penang~

 is on the way back.... oppa is driving.. n I?? Playing with Mr. Teddy~ hehe

Finally, after 4 hour hot and long journey.... we reached Penang!!! the high way, tht time was so freaking hot! 

Phew, finally, I am here ^^

at here, I really want send my big big thanks to my boyfie who help me to carry all my mountain stuff back to Penang!
Oppa da bez!!!

so ya, now I am officially in Penang now!!!

My Big DAY!

Is my birthday ! 30th May! I am always waiting for today... ^^

know what?the day before my birthday, I was discussing with Ethan where we gonna go for my birthday dinner, and I found this great plan! is called Brotzeit German bier bar and restaurant in Midvalley.

because of that tempting picture and the description in other food lover blog..
go there to have dinner had become my only wish when my friends gave me a surprise celebration on midnite.
seriously... the only wish I wish is : "pls let me have my birthday dinner with Ethan at Brotzeit Restaurant, I want the pork knuckle! " that the only things in my mind, seriously!!! MAD right??

when I crave for food, the only things in my mind is FOOD!!

so... yeah.. wish come true...

reach there..... and serve by friendly waiter at there, feel like just visit a friend's place. Is our first time been there... so... I have to said that, their service is really good ^^

actually, we really didn't expected that the serving is such big.. so.. end up, both of us really cant finish all the thing.. and we da bao~ LOL

was playing with some picca effect... nice? does this make my oppa look handsome?? muahahahahaa.... XD

Hefe-Weissbier
Paulaner, the NO.1 Weissbier in Germany. This recommended by the waiter, for me, It taste nice, creamy texture with with fruity scent.

according the waiter at there, he said it is a good beer, rich in vitamin and good for digestive system as well... imma not really sure on that, but what I can said is :

THIS BEER TASTE NICE! I LOVE IT! 

coming up with all the awesome food! *cause I love it all! 

Soup of the day-Cream of asparagus with julienne of smoked salmon RM18

we love this soup! is creamy enough with asparagus and the smoked salmon is like the most perfect partner!

Cheese spatzle - RM34

is for all the cheese lover! is CHHHEEEEZYYYY!!!

come to the main dish!!

Pork Knuckle- RM85
with potato salad, sauerkraut( direct translate: sour cabbage ) n the knuckle gravy on the side.

the serving portion is for 2-3 person, believe me, is a very big plate! cause two of us can't finish this although is tasty!

is super crunchy!!

omgggaarrrrddd! how to finish all of these!!!

till the end.... we da bao! full till I can't walk! sound bit over? ??

ok.. after dinner, we go for movie.. walk around.. talk a bit.. then bla bla bla.....

yup.. that my day, is simple but is nice ^^

I have another post birthday bash tonight! is gonna be fun!!

till here! xoxo

I have a CUTE oppa!!!

cute? yes! my boyfie is cute!!! so cute!!!
especially when he is angry.. well..
sometimes, u know.. I am too notty n maybe too dumb n make he so angry..
sometimes, he do scolded me a lots!* I know I am too notty~  LOL
but we made an agreement today! NO quarrel issue can bring pass midnight of that day! Good deal?? hahahaha

he is cute!
he is lovely!
he done everything for me....

and I enjoy every single second with him! cause he is tooooooooo cute!
* I think.. oppa will kill me if he know me writing him in this word : CUTE!! LOL

is morning LOVE from him~  I enjoy this moment..can just make everything stop? cause I really scared.... I will lost this! is too precious for me ^^ 


LOVE him sooo muchie!!!!!
xoxo

I know I have been into this too much! maybe I am reacting too over?? but... seriously! I am really enjoying this! enjoying this moment with him!

Mario and Rabbit ❤

Mario? yes, he is mario, for me Ethan look like Mario just like the 1st day I meet him ^^

and me? he always called me Rabbit, I dunno why... that how this drawing come out...
Mario and Rabbit!

I love piggy back, and he is strong enough to carry me this big size girl ! so.... that y is piggy back! :)

is weird, I dunno what happen with my feeling..... it just... keep growing day by day, I really wondering.. when will stop??
cause maybe someday I will be really crazy about him. maybe, I m now????  ^^

is just a lovely day...with him around... everything is just nice.

muackss!!!!

a bowl of traditional Korean soup

because of this soup, it change everything... everything change so dramatic... what if I did not said want to taste the soup..what if, I didn't cry like a baby n make noise in front of him that I want to taste the soup? what if, I eat my dinner regularly, didn't skip my dinner and left my stomach just for that soup?? just... what if.. nothing happen, I am just stay in hostel pass my regular day...

is just because I was craving the soup too much... a bowl of soup which can spend 72 hour to cook it, it make the whole house full with nice soup scent, it make the whole house feel warm again... cause it cook by his granny who just came from Korea. ( I am totally solute her patient n passion for the soup, it is a bowl of soup which full of her love toward Ethan)

me? as I food hunter, of cause don't want to missed it! how can I missed this soup, I will definitely regret... but sometimes, when things not belong to u, It just won't. Just because of that... it make so many changes... really... now, in my mind... I keep ask myself.. what if... I didn't crave for the soup, then... nothing will be happen, right?

The Soup......
it is milk color, but it not creamy, it smell nice.. just nice.. having those light smell that is just right enough to make u satisfy, nothing similar like Chinese cuisine, cause u know, Chinese soup full with strong scent, herb scent, right?especially, hokkien traditional... I think??cause I am from there. when drink it, the texture just surprise me, cause it look milky color but is not creamy, is taste light, or maybe can describe as refreshing? perhaps? it doesn't put any seasoning, even salt or sugar, there is when u drink it, u can choose to put according to ur own preference, that time.... I really just enjoy myself in that bowl of soup...and I really don't care what happen around and what going to happen, I just wanna enjoyed that bowl of nice warm soup. With nice food, I am able to cover up myself n just enjoy that moment... till I finish the last bite, then I only will back to the scene... LOL , weird? yup? that me.... I love food, n I love enjoy eating nice food!

then, here come...just after the soup.... the bad thing happen...out of sudden, his side of family said both of us ( me n Ethan ) is too lovely , too much....like husband and wife, for them... in their traditional mind they can't accept it and they want us to leave each other.or change an angle, is how they think me as a girl and of cause is not a positive thing.. is negative and it hurt. Hurt real bad.. cause they judge without know the real me.

And oppa, Ethan, seeing him stuck in between us, and while the same time facing his final exam and his internship arrangement, I know his is real stress, and me, I just can't do anything but just be at here... I just can't do anything... beside cry...cause I felt so helpless... and useless cause I can't help him. But what he ask from me... he just ask me to stay beside him, that all....THAT ALL! with all of these... he still hold me tight...
guy like this, isn't that he is babo?? babo, is word in korean, if translate it means fool.

this is the song he ask me to listen.... and I just cry like baby after listen this... Y am I so weak recently?? 


His side of family said, give up 3 week time to draw the clear line.... but both of us know that, It can't be done, cause the bond is getting stronger.... And also... after this 3 week, I am also going back to Penang. so.... means... maybe... this is really precious time for us... no one will know what gonna happen after that....

hopefully.... we can hold tight and overcome it.... till the end... that what I really pray for....

How I wish time just stop at this candy sweet time...

feel like am just like a lil gal who just falling in love.... everything seems so wonderful to me...
just like movie... everything is so colorful, even they can move n dance in my world ^^

how I wish all of this can just pause at this moment of time... cause is too wonderful till I am scared to loose it.... scare to loose it when we might got into quarrel? or... when I am back to Penang n he is in KL or maybe... back to Korea? time is short... especially happy moment pass like rocket.... I really appreciate every moment I can have chance to spend with my boyfie.. nobody know what will happen in the next day... or in the future right?

I love this candy sweet time.. I love when my boyfie playing around with me... I love when looking my boyfie is concentrating cooking meals for me...is just so sweetie sweet....

pardon me.... feel so sorry to all my frens..... cause all my world now... is just full with my boyfie... have to learn to balance it back, I know.... but pls just gimme some times.... cause I am enjoy in this candy sweet moment :)

Love,